If Warhammer 40K was a run like a
Collectable Card Game….?

By the Cheetah Killer: Tom
L.

• All
  the Army boxes would have a random codex and a sampling of models from each
  army, but not the ones you want and not enough to make a squad of anything.


• All
  the little Boxes would be a little from about three armies and most likely stuff
  you already got in the box set.


• All
  the blisters on the wall would be opaque and labeled Warhammer Stuff.


• You
  would not be allowed to play with more than 4 of any single model, but after
  buying 2 or three boxes you would already have ten of a lot of them.


• In
  about 6 months of buying Boxes and blisters you still would not have the
  Farseer for your Eldar force but you would have about forty Chaos Lords.


• At
  tournaments you would not be allowed to play with any models over 2 years
  old.


• It
  would be your duty to break every chair next to every table that you could
  possibly play at.


• Despite
  spending hundreds of dollars on all this stuff and never knowing what
  you’re going to get, you would never complain about how expensive the
  hobby is.


• You
  could never customize anything.


• You
  would eventually break down and buy your army leader from the store’s
  overpriced stack of single models, paying about sixty dollars for something
  your lucky friend got in a six-dollar blister. (A week later you would buy a
  blister and get another but you would only be allowed to use one.)


• Some
  guy from out of town would show up with an ultra rare model with its rules
  written in Spanish that could never be beaten by anything you can afford to
  buy.


• A
  six year old kid with parents that can buy him anything would be the city's
  grand champion because he makes his army entirely from the binders of
  overpriced rare models that you can not afford and still pay rent.