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Top Ten Coolest Wacky Draft Happenings

The following is NOT a tournament report. It's not even arranged in any sensible order. It's just a list of ten cool things I've observed on random WackyDraft nights. Maybe you also saw some of them and didn't think they were that cool, but that's your problem. Maybe you didn't see them because you're afraid of the fierce level of competition on WackyDraft nights (Mondays, 7:00 PM, same bat channel), and in that case you have a serious self-esteem problem. Whatever. Here goes.

10) Cameron Miller attempts to build a competitive WackyDraft deck and proves he just don't know jack about Wacky.

Now, I can't slam him for too much here, he just wasn't in his natural environment. I mean, jeez, how's he supposed to know that all laws of general logic and strategy are to be thrown to the wind during something called "WACKYdraft"? Still, he commited to drafting all cards beginning with the letter "C" without understanding the true power of cards like "Chicken A La King" and "Chaos Confetti" in an Unglued-rich environment. His deck turned out good, just not very wacky, and for that he was punished.

9) Mike Ruff plays God.

Mike Ruff, traditional steward of WackyDraft decides to host the WackyDraft All-Star draft pool, and spends (I can only assume) the better part of his day figuring out a well balanced list of the best power cards in Masques, Nemesis, and Unglued, and pre-assembles a series of identical packs, allowing everyone equal chances at 15 straight "first-pick" cards per pack. Loads of fun for all involved, though Ray took home fewer power cards than everyone else... probably because he used something like five Chaos Confettis over the course of the evening.

8) Ray plays "Mountainless Red"

Very simple tech to execute, but only if you remember what your tech is... Around the twelfth turn, Ray begins getting very frustrated with holding a hand of seven strong red creatures and never drawing mountains. We all knew this had to be painful, as the Wandering Eye in play showed us all how well he'd be doing if it weren't for his lack of a red mana source. Thirty turns later, once someone finally got sick of pitying the perennial landscrew victim and killed him, Ray looked through his deck and discovered he didn't put any mountains in the deck. After a few more checks through the pile, he remembers how he had intended to get them all into play: With an "Incoming" he had unfortunately been forced to discard early on.

7) Ray's Incoming wins the game... for Spardo

If there was ever a card that never quite obeyed it's master, it's Incoming, and apparently it has little love for Ray. On another evening in which it would have appeared that Ray's Incoming had actually worked, after a few turns it became painfully obvious that removing all of your desireable permanents from your library may not be a good thing, especially when they all go into play. Ruff and I both had Crypt Rats in our decks, and plenty of mana to feul them. I saw the board clearing potential, and decided to hold back once Ray played the Incoming, putting only a handful of permanents in while everyone else loaded them on. Somebody put a Living Lands into play, and the Rats cleaned house. Ray adds insult to injury by Honoring the Fallen for something like 88 life points. So the boards are cleared, all creatures and lands die, and Ray has a hundered or so life points. Oh, and like five cards in his library. Oh, and so does everyone else. Except for me. I have seven. A sad "Draw, Go" pattern emerges, and everyone proceeds to get decked in succession. Yay for me, I win.

6) Jeff Aaronson hates Wandering Eyes.

I can't stress this enough. Apparently something about them makes his skin crawl. We were in the middle of a six-player free-for-all when he decided he really didn't like the idea of me with a couple of nosy 1/3 flyers looming over the table. Not that they were a threat; Somehow he'd focused all his efforts on keeping my Eyes from Wandering his way, and built an army of like twelve 5/5 flyers all on the defense lest one 1/3 flyer prance in his direction. Ruff attacks him with a 6/6 trampler. Jeff responds by Terroring one of my two Wandering Eyes, and takes the 6 points of hurt. I attempt to cast another Wandering Eye. Jeff, with enough mana to actually cast it, decides to pick up three islands to Thwart it, just because he could. Next turn, he brings out a Squallmonger and pokes my Eye in the sky out of the sky. Someone else pays to kill the remains of Jeff's flying armada, but apparently that's okay because he was just darn glad that that Wandering Eye was gone. Two turns later, I revive a dead Wandering Eye. Jeff Dominates it, then Ruptures it just to kill it. Eight hours later Jeff wins it all.

5) Some kid lost his "Erica" Pokemon Trainer card.

It wan't part of the WackyDraft game, but it happened on a Monday. Two kids come in to attempt tosell or trade heavily-used Pokemon cards, and Ruff "assists" them for the twenty minutes it takes for them to realize the have nothing the store is interested in. They leave without buying anything, then return thirty seconds later in a frenzy. One of them claims he's lost a card; by his description, it's "a trainer, her name is Erica, she has black hair, she has plant power, she's a Pokemon trainer, it's a card, it's called, ummmm, I forget, ummm, she has black hair and her name is Erica, and it's my card, but it has black hair, and I forget her name, and...." You get the picture. Easily, the kid rambled for five minutes solid. When I asked the kid if it was an "Erica" card, it was like I'd just told him his father was really Santa Claus, and when I informed him I hadn't seen it, it was like Rudolf peed on Santa's grave. I can't say I didn't feel guilty, but it was worth it to hear him stop whining about that da#*ed card. Sometimes I'm one mean S.O.B.

4) Eighteen people show up for WackyDraft at once.

Okay, this hasn't happened yet, but it would be really cool if it happened. Especially if one of the eighteen people was Jackie Chan.

3) Boldo builds a killer Mossdog deck.

Boldo returned from his Fight Club one night to find a handful of us still playing WackyDraft, and engages us in a conversation about some of the worst cards that have appeared in recent expansions. The game itself deteriorates, but when someone suggests that Mossdog is a fairly worthless addition, Boldo sets out to prove us wrong. In addition, he throws in the four-limit of Skyshroud Cutters to prove how good bad creatures can be. He throws together the rest of the deck in under thirty seconds, and announces that he now has the most powerful deck in the world. Somehow, the deck manages at worst, like, a turn seven kill. Against everything. Control? Mossdogs beat it. Stompy? Mossdogs beat it. Sligh? Mossdogs beat it. Nobody could stop the mossdogs. After about fifteen straight wins, Boldo decides, yeah, Mossdogs are pretty stupid, and throws the deck away.

2) I can't think of any more right now.

I'm sure they've happened, I'm just tired, and I didn't plan this out before I wrote it. I'd like to see what other people think of WackDraft night, so please send your "reports" to Boldo so that there's something new to read on his site. Or, better yet, if you haven't been to WackyDraft, stop by on a Monday night and jump in the game. Than tell us what you think.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Sean "Spardo" Fletcher

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Last Modified on Thursday, 17-Aug-2000 00:28:26 EDT